As I read through my journal of 2018 , I noticed it was a constant battle within myself , even with God. It was if I was FIGHTING to even find joy , and remain steadfast to him. I struggled with knowing who I was , and why I loved me. I felt out of place , and I took anything thrown at me because I didn’t know my own worth, and I didn’t understand that God really saw me.
So, What is my worth? I asked myself this question so many times. and I answered it but didn’t believe it.
God bought us with a price. So automatically we are worth something right ? I mean he is the most powerful and important being in our lives, Yet I struggled with believing that I am worth more than I have been giving , or that I tolerate. Especially, when we live in a world filled with a constant reminder, we aren’t worth anything. When the materials fade, the past resurfaces, the makeup is wiped off, and when you’re by yourself how do you see your own worth?
Something that THE AMAZING Sarah Jakes Roberts said in her book Don’t Settle for Safe was
“ avoiding vulnerability allows the entirety of your life to be controlled by one moment, one decision, one memory. YOU must choose to stop punishing your destiny because of your history that brings you shame.”– Sarah Jakes Roberts
As I think about my own journey, I meditated on how I progress, and walk away from situations knowing who my heavenly father is. Some of the scriptures I found , and meditate on are;
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. – Psalms 139:13-15
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7 Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. -Luke 12:6-7
I have learned for myself constantly dwelling on the lord’s words are the only things that can fight the “not-worth it” thoughts. So, I decided in this NEW YEAR (2019 whooohooo!) I am walking in a NEW Confidence that I AM WORTH IT. Even if people don’t acknowledge me , the ONLY opinion I need is the lords. No need to make a list of new resolutions , as I remain faithful to him , and trust HIS words the rest will flow. I continue to trust him in this self-worth journey , and I continue to pray for all the others who are searching for there own SELF-WORTH.