The meaning of my 24th birthday..

This is my first blog writing as a 24-year-old . My birthday was Saturday , and people would ask me how I felt. Honestly, I was not sure , it was weird lol. I was grateful, but it was not till today that I really comprehended what turning 24 meant to me . 

This past month I have been slowly studying the book of Job. As I finished today, I came across this verse

And I actually STOPPED and CONSIDERED all he has done for me for the past 24 years. I could think of the things I wish was going on in my life , but after reading about how God allowed the devil to take everything from job , I was humbled in my spirit. I am blessed, I am loved by the ones the matter, and as long as I am operating in Gods will , I am where I need to be in life.

I believe the culture we live in today continues to ideally tell us that our life is not ENOUGH , and to question why it is the way it is. Once I realized this , I started to invest in what Gods tells me , and less of what the world thinks. Ultimately God knows what he is doing yet we STILL doubt him , and question his ways.

So, I challenge my fellow readers to stop and consider Gods wonderful works that he has done in your life thus far!


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Renewed

 
Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.
Psalms 51:10-12

The process of being  renewed happens as soon as you confess , and believe.That seems like the easiest part, but I think the hardest part in living in the renewed mindset , is the process. I  honestly think I have asked for a renewal more than I can count , sometimes I  wonder if I asked to many times. However, I learned that we will always need a constant renewal , and sometimes that means daily.

We tend ( by “we” I definitely mean I ) to ask God for a renewal of the heart , mind , and soul . I think we know or should know what we need to be renewed from, for me it definitely been centered around relationships , and negative thinking.  Every day when I prayed I would as for a renewal but in a couple of hours , or weeks I would  act , think , or say the very thing I am asking to be changed from . sounds like common sense right ? its like living in this world seems to test us .. the very thing we struggle with is yelling in our face I’m right here , and its so quick and required no process,right?

The thing is God never said the process would be easy , but he did tell us the prize on the other side is so much better. So how do we not stay on track ?

Well , we must know that we are bigger than the current state we are in ,because our God is BIG. second take responsibility , and runaway from the things that our destroying or distracting you from your process. Lastly,  beat those feelings into captivity and bring them to him. I struggled with living a headless live separating how I feel from what I KNOW. And what I know is I am valuable , I am chosen, and God will never forsake his child. So, no more shortcuts!  This spiritual renewal  is the best journey you can embark on.

God Chased me?

Sometimes it is hard to believe that. Through all I have done, and even when I ran, he chased me down.?

That’s the thing I didn’t truly understand  was God’s love for me. I mean we recite john 3:16 in our sleep “ For Gods so loved the world he gave his only begotten son … you know the rest lol ”. unfortunately, I didn’t really grasp what that meant for me individually.

As I prayed and studied Gods love, I started to understand. God sent his only son for me …he sent a sacrifice for ME, for everything I have done. Even more he left his sweet holy spirit with me (Check out Romans 5:5). So that I can feel his love, comfort, and peace.  His spirit  is whole , without blemish, pure , and without limitations. I can always depend on  him and as long as he is in me , his spirit will be there.

So now I get it , I get his love! No matter what I have done, and no matter how many times I have went in the opposite direction  he CHASES me back into his arms each time. It’s almost like he would never let me get deeper in situations or harmful relationships than I needed to be. Back then I would ask  why in the world did I need to go through that?! ( I am not sure what I learned). Now I know it was God saying to me JANA , I don’t want you there , I don’t want you in that situation or place because I LOVE YOU. He wanted better for me , …even when far from him. CRAZY right? Something that I am learning in my own personal journey is that his love covers;

Loneliness

Desperation

Shame

Failure

Anxiety

Fear

He covers all! So if you are in a place thinking… how in the world can God love me and my mess?! Just know, He is already there, ready to pour out his overwhelming love. He is CHASING you

 

Photocred: Pinterest

New read !

Hi readers!!

I am super excited about this book, my eye caught it and I had to buy it. I started reading it in the car! ( not safe I know lol ). I also snagged this cute prayer box , because it will challenge me to pray something different every day.

The book is called “If you only knew”  by Jamie Ivey

let me know if you have read this book , thoughts, or join me in this read!

Love yall ❤book

New blogger , New doubts

2 days ago, I decided to start this blog. I am far from a writer , and I was honestly against this for a while . I argued with my self … these are thought that surrounded my mind:

  1. HELLO… your barely survived undergraduate English and you want to write
  2. Everyone has a blog, so what makes me different?
  3. What if no one reads this?

As I battled for about 3 days , I felt such a tug knowing it was from God. In every pull , he gave me a rebuttal to my excuses.

  1. to my writing – he said who is grading you , and spell check (Duh) …
  2. to being like everyone else- he said you are not like everyone else , you are one of a kind with your own journey
  3. to my doubts in people reading my post – he said this is for you , and if you reach one reader that is more than none.

SO WHY THE NAME?

So here is the thing I am 23 years old , and  I have known God my whole life. However, have been so comfortable keeping him to myself, but only letting him access parts of me. I have not allowed myself to vulnerable with him, myself, and others.

I tend to talk to myself a lot (in my head) , so I asked myself why I  kept myself in this comfort zone?  I have access to true freedom right in front of me. I have continuously let life bring in so much, and I have never been able to share and let it out. Thus, when I am asked to unravel certain parts of my life it makes me so uncomfortable, and hits all the vulnerable places hidden.  So, I decided to start this journey , a journey where I become so uncomfortably vulnerable to pain, shame, insecurities , God, myself, and to my peers. I know it will  bring joy, true freedom, restoration, and community with everyone who reads this, but I hope it will touch anyone out there who has the same feeling I once had.

This blog is about honesty , truth, vulnerability , no shame , and no guilt. Just love.

I pray for your support, engagement, and prayer!

Love to all you ❤

John 15:16-  You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you